An online break

I needed a break from Instagram. I knew this as it started affecting me when a post did ‘badly’ because it didn’t get as many likes as I’m used to seeing. I became frustrated and felt that I wasn’t enjoying the online space like I should be; content creation is a hobby for me, one that occasionally pays, and so by definition it should be fun. I guess that some of my feeling stemmed from the fact that I put so much work into my blog posts and images online that I become a little disappointed when growth and engagement stagnates. It wasn’t my first hiatus; I’d taken a break from social media the week before and after Scout was born because I wanted to be present for the birth of my child and I took the time to breathe in those precious first few days before sharing her with the world. I am a little uncomfortable admitting how much social media has become a part of my life but I also know that as long as it’s my medium of sharing my creativity, it will play a role in some way; I love that it gives me a platform to express myself but what I’m trying to figure out is how to get back to it being more about the creativity and less about the numbers. That being said, I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with Instagram; I’ve made some beautiful connections with women I would not have met if it were not for the platform but I also feel, at times, that I spend far too much time scrolling idly when I could be doing something meaningful or productive. 
Another layer of online consciousness was added when Wes and I watched the documentary ‘The Social Dilemma’ on Netflix, which really got me thinking about my time I spend online. I was stunned that the algorithms are designed to target an individual based on their interests but mostly that it’s designed to keep you online for longer for the sole purpose of advertising to you. I found it disturbing that I am the product being sold to advertisers and that I am less in control of what I’m absorbing than what I believe. While I’d highly recommend the documentary, because of its information and style, it may not have convinced me to get offline entirely but it has encouraged me to be conscious about how regularly I’m scrolling. We have implemented a phone-less evening in our home and, already, Wesley and I are talking to (and not past) each other, making our relationship about us again. Having an infant in the home has made our lives feel like an endless cycle of duties and chores but we have discovered that there is time to be spent if we are willing to ditch the news, WhatsApp and Instagram.
The decision to give instagram and YouTube a miss for this week was an easy one; I’d done it before and knew that I’d be okay. Unlike my previous ‘break’ I have not been preoccupied with meeting my new baby, which allowed me to notice my daily phone habits. I caught myself opening the Instagram app each time I’d unlocked my phone, even when doing for a different purpose! It has made me realise that it often takes me more than the seconds needed to check the weather or the minutes to send a quick message because I subconsciously open Instagram each time I land on my home screen. My thumb knows where to go and it has taken me to the feed before I’ve even registered that it’s where I’ve gone. Has that happened to you? Have you found yourself scrolling, wondering what you’d intended to use your phone for 15 minutes earlier? I’ve realised that I’m losing precious time while doing something as idle as pushing content with my thumb, which has made me want to be more intentional about my screen time. 
My bad phone and Instagram habits is only one aspect of it all. The part that has stood out for me the most is how clear my mind is when I’m not online. It’s Thursday morning as I write this and for the first time in a while I cannot tell you what others have been up to this week; my mind is not bombarded with the interests of others and I caught myself thinking about yesterday’s swimming lesson with Scout. It has Only been a few days but I’m already starting to feel undistracted and present. I cannot tell you how much work I’ve finished in this short week; my productivity has shot through the roof! I also haven’t brought any work home this week but feel that I am working well within my deadlines. I am able to separate work from my home life and that has brought a real sense of calm to my day. 
All of this has made me think about my role as a blogger. Writing, as you know, is very important to me and sharing little bits of myself through these posts is something that I enjoy. I am beginning to wonder when likes on Instagram replaced the peace that writing brings me. Perhaps it’s wanting grow my online following that has stolen the joy of blogging from me. I enjoy being creative with images and working with brands but I love writing more than anything else. I’ve realised that this is where my following needs to grow. I’d love to have more people subscribed to the blog as it will remove my needing to alert my bigger following to new posts as it will go directly to email. A few hundred subscribers to the blog does not compare to the 4500+ followers on Instagram so it may be a while before I am able to make this my primary platform but it is a real goal for me. You see, unlike Instagram that amounts to likes and followers, at some point or another, a blog does not pull your eye to anything else except the words on the page. I’ve consciously kept my blog free of advertising, despite it being a way to monetise this platform, because I want readers to have a space where they don’t feel bombarded when visiting my page. When starting this post I did not think about this aspect of it all but sorting through my social media free week has awoken this feeling in me. I’ve never asked a thing of my followers but today I’d like to ask you to share my blog with someone you believe may enjoy it. If you’re new to reading it and enjoy what I share, please won’t you subscribe to receive notifications of new posts? I think followers underestimate how much work goes into content creation, whether it be an Instagram post, blog or YouTube video and that so much of the time spent putting the content together is often met with very little acknowledgment, even when others benefit from the tips, experiences and vulnerabilities shared. 
I’d be lying if I said this break hadn’t tempted me to give up content creation. I’m not a quitter but there are moments when reflection asks you to re-evaluate your priorities; I’m a first time mom with a full-time job who has committed to a blog post a week, the occasional YouTube video and curated posts on Instagram. Sometimes it all feels a bit much so the break was necessary for me to remember why I do it all and that’s because I love writing and sharing my experiences as they share realities that other women (and men) sometimes relate to. It’s one of the reasons that I teach, to share what I have learnt with others in hopes that it will empower an individual to be the best version of themselves. 
I am worried that I will slip back into old habits once I rejoin the online world but I am hoping to strike a real balance when I do. The one thing I’m incredibly proud of is the fact that I don’t allow my time online to affect my responsibilities as a mom; it’s where I’ve been able to draw the line and so I’m hoping to have some of that spill into other areas of my life. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this but there are so many amazing things to experience and that wanting to capture it for the purpose of sharing takes away from the beauty of our experiences with the people we enjoy spending time with. This point reminds me of my relationship with my best friend; we barely have photographs to show for our time spent but we have so many memorable experiences. In the same way that time flies, ones forgets to take photos when you’re having that much fun. 
This post has been a little all over the place- if you’ve made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read. Please take the time to leave a comment to share your experiences. 
Until my next post, Bronny