(This post was written in real time, at the end of each week, so you will see it shift as the weeks go by. Some of it is quite contradictory and I’ve left it that way because it’s a reflection of how each week is different and it shows how I’m also changing and going through the motions.)
Forgetful me! Weeks 14-17 of our pregnancy
Weeks 14 and 15 of pregnancy have been really interesting. As I’m writing this post, Wesley has just left the restaurant where we are having dinner to go home and check that I’ve turned the stove and our heater’s gas tank off! On top of him doing so much to help me during this pregnancy, I’ve just added more to his list of things to do because I’ve become really absent minded.
On the whole, the last two weeks have been really stressful. I’ve been exhausted and have needed to take some time to relax. If you follow me on Instagram, I apologize for saying so yet again but it’s really the only word I can use to describe how I’m feeling. The difficult thing about being pregnant is that, outside of my home, the expectations on me are the same. At work, I still have to keep up with all my deadlines and be on my ‘A-game’ in my classroom. Extra murals run until the same time and the children at school have the same needs; the only thing that’s changed is me! I need sleep and down time more often than I’m really able to have it and have failed, for the last two weeks, to have that much-needed evening nap.
The tough thing for me is that I really want to take care of myself. I try to gym and prepare meals in advance so that baby and I can eat well and doing all of those things requires time. Sadly, when sacrifices need to be made it seems to be baby and I that end up making them. So, at the weekend, I felt really pleased that I left read text messages unanswered! Yes, I chose to switch off and relax.
And then the body aches began. I woke up to a tingling feeling in my leg and pain when I bent and stood up. Apparently all of this is normal. To be honest, I expected that things like an impinged nerve would show up later in my pregnancy but my body, while still able to do so much, is taking a knock on ways that I hadn’t expected. And to compound some of the preggie pains, my chronic back pain is at its worst. So I’ve started going to physio, another expense that I hadn’t really bargained for but my healthy and comfort is important if I’m going to enjoy parts of this journey.
I’ve been reminded that google can be a blessing and the devil, too. When I googled my leg pain it amounted to the fact that I was, basically, doomed. Worry is a real part of this journey, even if you are chilled. I really hope that if we get to do this again after baby number one, that experience of what happens will keep me calm. But it’s all a part of the journey. You have to take the gold with the bad, as with everything in life.
Week 16 was relatively quiet but I had begun to feel that I was too busy and that I had very little down time. I wasn’t stressed but I was conscious of all the commitments I have on a weekly basis. I knew that I had to slow down but didn’t know how.
Then week 17 happened, which landed baby and I in hospital and resulted in me being put on bed rest for a week.
I’d pushed myself too hard. I try to be on top of my game even though my body needs me to slow down. I don’t want friends and colleagues to think that I’m lazy or being dramatic and, worse, that pregnancy has affected my efficiency. But, let’s face it, everything is changing and my body is working flippen hard to grow this baby and so I really need to cut myself some slack. I’m not even a perfectionist but I like being competent and keeping that up has resulted in my unintentional neglect to put our baby first. A hard lesson to learn and a tough reflection. I’m just relieved that baby is healthy and safe and that I can continue to house baby while it is needed.
Wesley, for the first time, has become super strict about me listening to the doctors. He says that it’s difficult to see me in pain and he struggled to sleep for two nights while listening to me agonising while I struggled to turn in bed. He’s reminded me that I need to let him also decide what’s best for our baby and that he also worries and wants us to be healthy and safe.
What a journey pregnancy is! I’m way better at preaching and am being forced to practice more than text book ways to take care of myself and baby.
Anyway, I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading the update on baby Eksteen. I will end with a little teaser and say that we know the gender of the baby and that we will reveal it soon!
Until my next post, Bronny xx