If marriage has taught me anything, it is that I think I know it all until I learn, yet, another lesson.
On 3 October 2017 we celebrated our second year of marriage. If you had asked me for advice a year ago, I would have had all the secrets and recipes for you! Fast forward a year, and I am humbled to have grown in love and friendship with an amazing man and to have survived some of the toughest times with him.
I thought that, instead of telling you what works for us, I would share what I have learnt about myself, him and others in this time. All of that a little later as I am sure that you are wondering how we spent the day celebrating and why none of it was on social media.
We had booked a picnic for two at Groot Constantia and a show and supper at the Kalk Bay Theatre. As murphy would have it, the show was postponed and, on the day of our picnic, it rained. I am so grateful that we aren’t too ‘iffy’ about the details; we settled for lunch at Simon’s Restaurant (Groot Constantia) and pizza and series later that evening. I just wanted to spend the day with him and he wanted to spend it with me; the ‘how’ was definitely secondary and the quality time, appreciated.
Why had I not shared it on social media? It is quite simple, actually. I could either spend the day riddled with notifications – or I could actually spend it with the person I am married to for two years. While the online ‘happy anniversary’ messages are sweet (and welcomed, too) it is really important to know when to step away from the online world as well. This may be a good start for thing that I have learnt inside my two years of marriage.
- You do not need to share it on social media for your love/ relationship to be special, loving and ‘real’.
He married Bronwyn, not Simply B.O.E and he lives with Bronwyn, too. That’s not to say that what I share isn’t real, it is to acknowledge that it is merely a part of my life. I think I am becoming more appreciative that he dislikes an online presence because it keeps me honest. He sees me BEFORE I do my hair and in every raw moment that we do not post online.
- The sooner you admit you’re wrong, the sooner you’ll begin to resolve the difference.
Saying sorry IS important. Saying it when sincere and humble, even more so. I learnt that more from his inability to apologise but realised that when I am wrong, it is a bitter pill to swallow, too.
- Friends and family are important, too.
He is happier when he sees the people he loves and so am I.
- It is important to chase your dreams.
You have to be whole and happy, first, before you can add to the happiness of another individual.
- It is a blessing to serve one another.
Acts of service is a love language. For some, it is the only love language. It is beautiful to serve the one you love. That cup of tea or taking out the trash when it isn’t your usual ‘duty’ helps us to know that we see each other.
- Faith inside a marriage is beautiful.
We used to be quiet about the fact that we wanted God and our faith to be at the centre of our marriage. Today, we acknowledge that, at times, faith is the only thing that kept us together; scripture has been our biggest guide when our humanity has failed us.
- Your friendship (as a couple) is important, too.
When romance seems to take a backseat, we always have our friendship to fall back on.
- Sometimes, it is best to keep quiet.
Really, it is.
- You can get along with your in-laws.
You just have to find the things that you value and respect about them and build from there.
- You’re allowed to have fun.
In fact, you should be having fun! I love it when we laugh and when we are silly. Yes, it gets very difficult sometimes, but it can also be very easy if you are able to let the small things go.
Lastly, there is no recipe.
Every marriage is different. We take things that others do that benefit/ suit us and we discard the rest. We will share things with people we trust but, in general, our relationship is not up for discussion. If anything, it is a sacred and should be the thing you want to protect most. He is my family and I am his. We cannot say what the next six months or five years will hold, but we can remember that we want to protect what we have built, that we would love to come home to this family.
I am always nostalgic about our wedding day when we celebrate our anniversary and love visiting our photographs.
Click here to visit our wedding look book.
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